Thanks, a habbit that is long forgotton

"Thanks", is another one of the notes that Seanna gives in my book, Christmas Notes. This note was given in the attitude of gratitude for the friendship, help and other loving gifts Seanna had received in her stay at the orphanage.
I get a lot of plumbing service calls to more mature(seniors) people's homes. For two reasons; One they often live in older homes with plumbing that is out of date and starting to fail. Two, the word has spread quickly that I often plan to spend a little extra time after the bill has been paid to just visit, or to see if they need anything else none plumbing done for them.  I do this because I often benefit from our conversations more then then they do.
I have walked away having heard some of the best heroic World War II stories that have never been written. I have listened to the courage and grit of those that past through the Great Depreciation. If I had to sum up the lives of some of these great people that the world will soon be leaving behind, I could give them one word "Thanks" or "Gratitude". They are some of the most grateful people on earth.  Its no wonder I don't mind spending some extra time with them. It is easy and very satisfying to spend time with someone that knows life's hardships yet is so full of thanks that they almost glow.
I would like to talk to you about one such person I was able to visit with just a few days ago. Melody has Lew Garregs Disease. If you are unfamiliar with that disease I can tell you I hope you never have to be. It is a illness that slowly shuts down your nervous system. When I say slowly, I mean every day you notice something else that does not work just right on your body and often times the mind is left intact and normal which causes lots of frustration for the participant.  Melody was diagnosed with Lew Garregs about six months a go at the time I visited with her. As I waited for her to come from the bedroom to the living  room to visit with her I couldn't but help notice her struggle. It was only just a few months ago she was as energetic as any teenager with her vibrant positive attitude going around and doing good for people. I wondered if her attitude had been dampened by what had taken place with her body. As she struggled to sit down I helped her move the walker out of her way. She then spoke to me with a very quiet but raspy voice. Turns out the voice was the being attacked by the illness and it took a lot of effort to talk. As I sat there straining to hear her, the very first thing to come out of her mouth after was, "I am so grateful", I could not believe it.  She hoarsely rattled of about ten different things she was grateful for before she paused because of the strain. The rest of the conversation was filled with the same grateful tone.
The message I walked away with from that visit is a simple but profound. "Be thankful for what you have, give thanks for it, because someday it may no longer be there."
If only people could follow this principle! I am convinced it would save one from becoming prideful and therefore saving marriages, families, communities,  and yes even countries.

Copy write Dec 5th 2011.  Clint G Cox, Author of Christmas Notes.

             

Forgiveness, If you don't you'll burst!

I thought I would take some time on my monthly posts to go deeper into the fifteen Christmas Notes I have listed just about everywhere you see my book fore sale online.  To start off with I would like to lead in to each one word note by relating it to something in plumbing.  Now stay with me on this I promise it will be worth it.

I live in an area where the winters get down right cold.  For a plumber this has an up side and a down side.  The down side is....it really sucks to work with water in freezing temperatures, I have a very hard time getting motivated in the mornings to go out to work when it is below zero outside.  The up side is that business is usually pretty good during the winters.  Anyway over the years in my career I have notices a thing or two about which pipes are more forgiving when it comes to freezing.

Lets start with copper pipes. If you have copper pipes and they freeze you better call a plumber there is absolutely no forgiveness in copper pipes. They will burst almost every time.  If they don't consider, yourself lucky.  If I where you I would call a plumber before they thaw because your going to end up with a flood.

Next is Galvanized steel pipe. I can not figure this pipe out.  It will freeze solid but it will not usually burst. Still will not forgive to thawing very easily. It is one of the hardiest pipes to thaw, it can take days sometimes. Days is a long time without a shower or a toilet, but you would be surprised how many people have to do it during the winter.

And last we have Pex pipe or the red, blue, white plastic pipe you see in new homes today. This pipe withstands freezing better then metal pipes and when it does freeze it is very forgiving and will not burst. I have seen pex expand to 3 times its size and still did not burst. It thaw out easily to.  I like to call it the miracle pipe.  I probably should not praise it so much, it could put us plumbers out of a job.

Forgive!  This is one of the notes that Seanna gives in my book Christmas Notes and there is a reason I put it in there.  What is it about this word that scares us adults so bad? Why is it so hard to give it to those that have wronged us or to ask it of those we have wronged?  Why is it so easy for children to take up the task of asking for or giving to someone forgiveness?  Most the time they can do it without any hesitation what so ever when if an offense of the same magnitude to an adult would take months even years to be settled, it it even gets settled.  I know people that have delayed the forgiving proses for most of there lives. Danny and Bryan have yet to forgive each other for a bad fight they had 15 years ago in high school (about what they can not remember), neither one willing to give neither one willing to ask.  Let me tell you there never has been a day of true happiness in both lives sense that day they decided to put of forgiving the offender.  Another lady I know was offended by a comment made by a random member of her church said.  That random member to this day has no idea her comment offended someone, because it was never meant to offend. This lady refuses to go back to church and has grown so bitter towards faith and people in general its heard to even be around her.  Her copper heart has truly burst  from frosty pride and anger the two coldest emotions a person can have. These emotions will freeze a heart solid every time, to a point where no form of happiness can penetrate.    


On the other hand I heard a story of a child who had a favorite toy that he cherished very much. This was not just a phase either.  It had been his favorite for years. One day his mom(Susan) made him(Jimmy) play with a kid(Brad) that was known to break his friends toys.  Well, guess what toy Brad wanted to play with? Yup, you guessed it Tommy's prized possession his toy that practically looked brand new despite having been played with so much.  When Tommy protested his mother gave him the golden rule lesson of sharing and treating others as you would want to be treated. Basically she threatened him with his life, and forced him to give in.  Well, to no surprise Brad broke the toy. As Tommy's mother witnessed the act unfold she felt the heart that Tommy was showing on his face. What happened next should be a lesson to all of us. Tommy smiled told Brad who said he was sorry, that it was okay and that he forgave him. Tommy took the toy now missing the most important piece and set it on his bed, then asked if Brad would like to go outside to play.
Later that day when Brad had left Tommy went back into his room to asses the damage of the toy. Susan found Tommy with watering eyes sitting on his bed. Knowing the toy was a total loss she felt horrible.  Before she could ask his forgiveness for making him give in to Brads request to play with the toy, Tommy said with a tear on his cheek, "Its okay mom, at least Brad had fun."

May we not be like the Copper pipe that is unforgiving quick to burst with anger and resentment, towards those that wrong us.
May we not be like the Galvanized steel pipe that is unforgiving and stubborn to let go of the cold freezing feelings that keep there hearts iced over unwilling to let there arrogance melt and ask for forgiveness.
Let us be like the Pex plastic pipe and be more resistant to petty offending matters, and be willing to give forgiveness to those that offend us.  May we be quick to thaw our pride and seek forgiveness of all we may have damaged.                                           

Christmas Relationships Going Down the Drain. Relight the Flame.

If you can not tell yet, I love Christmas! It is the time of year where everything seems to change. You know what I mean, selfishness seems to take a back seat as we think of other. The sounds of Christmas music drowns out the noises of everyday life, and children's excited laughter is more audible then the adult grumps demanding our attention. It's just a time when peoples hearts are closer to the surface and more readily prepared to be changed.
I would like to write this post for all those struggling in their relationships with others, particularly husbands and wives, but can be applicable in other kinds of relationships as well.
Why? Why do we let insignificant things come between us and the people we love. Why do we let the mundane things of life block out or over run those intimate feelings we have once felt about those that somehow now offend us.  Life is too short to spend any portion of time holding grudges against a loved one. Unless the offenses are prison worthy, why not stick a cleaning snake down the clogged up drain pipe of flowing love and get back to being happy in a relationship that fits our ideal.
How? Try this exercise, write your answers down so you can discuss them with the loved one that is slipping away. Discussion is the key. If the discussion never takes place then you might as well flush the paper down the toilet, along with the chance of you ever getting back your relationship you are yearning to have.  Just kidding on the flushing your paper your writing on. Don't do it!  It might get stuck. Take it from a plumber, toilet paper only in toilets!  Just remember communication is the best "Draino" for the pipelines of a relationship.
Think back to the times when you felt things where the best they could have been in your relationship. What was different? What was the relationship giving you that you are missing? More importantly what where you giving in the relationship that you are failing to contribute now? Write it down. Be lengthy and specific, include your feelings of deep love for the person!
What caused the change? Was it a single certain event, or multiple consecutive happenings that caused the loving intimate pipe to seal off little by little until the flowing pressure of love slowed to a trickle?  Maybe it was just the lack of constant nourishment relationships need, and like the neglected plants around the house the leafs of fulfillment has now wilted. Whatever you feel it was, write it down! If possible, and the person in the relationship is compliant have them write there feelings down to separately and a lone so you will not affect their answers. Then come together and talk it out. If you approach the situation as the other person needs to change you will fail, but if you approach it as chance for you to change which will hopefully change others your on the right path.  Do not leave anything out of what you have written down, it all needs to come to the table so it can be dealt with. Do not get offended at what they have put down even if you think it is not true! Often times we are so caught up in what the other party has done or is not doing we can not see are own faults. I think you will find your partner in the stagnant relationship is feeling the same way you are and will be happy to get it out on in the open. Let the intimacy flow again! If, at any point, contention enters the room and anger builds with ether of you, stop the discussion because you are both to fault. Yes, I said both of you. Just trade papers and walk a way.  It would do you both good to read what each other wrote and let it sit for a couple of days.
Evey relationship is worth saving and making the necessary changes could be easier then you thought. Just give it a try!   
I will end with this analogy that you and your spouse, family member, or friend can try together to help seal the intimacy in stone. 

Find two candles go to a room at least fifteen by fifteen wide. Turn out the lights make sure it is pitch black. The blackness of the room represents a relationship where no one is giving to it, so it is easy to get lost in the darkness of things that don't really matter and that do nothing to light up the love between one another. Go to opposite corners, have one person light there candle. You will notice that there side of the room is visible along with them, but the person over in the other corner will still be obscured. This represents one person in the relationship giving all the time but never receiving anything in return. Often times the one that is receiving feels like everything is fine, they are so lit up with their needs being met that they forget to notice the needs of the person giving who is swallowed in the darkness. Now have the other person light their candle. You will notice that the room will become mostly visible with the exception of the dark corners of the room kiddy corner to the candles and at the sealing. This represents a relationship where giving is present but not as frequent as needed. The "just to keep them happy enough to stay of my back" relationship. It also depicts the selfishness relationships that become present when the nurturing of togetherness is left out. Now come into the center of the room with both candles lit. You will notice that with the exception of your shadows which are behind you representing that you are leaving all selfishness behind, the candles together in the center of the room have now lit up all the room even the corners there is not one place in the room that is not touched by the light of these two candles that are giving each other all the light they have.  Likewise if two people in a relationship who come together and give all they have to one another they will never lose their way in the darkness of loneliness as long as they continue to protect and nurture the flame.

Copy write 9/10/11 by Clint G Cox author of Christmas Notes.